wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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