she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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