i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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