I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize