no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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