oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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