Plan B is the new Plan A
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I looked at my own cervix.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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