I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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