If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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