Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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