Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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