My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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