i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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