Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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