I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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