Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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