The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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