Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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