she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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