Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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