Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize