you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
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Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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