Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i've created a new STD.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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