I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize