Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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