we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize