Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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