i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Couch. On fire.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize