Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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