omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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