Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
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I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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