she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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