Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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