In the future we'll all be gay
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
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