First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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