So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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