around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize