You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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