dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
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just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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