Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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