i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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