operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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