Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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