Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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