There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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