I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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