god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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