porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize