It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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