Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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